I often wonder if everyone has before and after moments in their lives. I can’t be the only one. 

My “moment” happened on March 1, 2001. I dropped my daughters off at daycare and continued to work at Johns Hopkins. My Sarah was 2, and Hannah was 3 months and 8 days old. It was a good morning. I even had time to nurse Hannah an extra time. Hannah was especially chatty that morning….really chattering to her big sister Lianna. 

Around noon that day, I got a call from a patient advocate at Franklin Square. He just said that your daughter has been brought in. Initially I thought it was my daredevil child, Sarah, but he said it was the baby. Instantly my heart dropped. I wondered why my daycare mom didn’t call me and realized that she didn’t answer my check in call that morning. 

Hannah went down for her morning nap and she never woke back up. My beautiful, perfectly healthy baby. Getting from one hospital is something that I really don’t remember. I stopped and got my dad, and he drove the last 15 minutes. When we got to the hospital, I don’t even think the car came to a complete stop before I was off and running into the ER. When I got to the desk and told them who I was, they said, “Oh, you’re the baby’s mom,” and then they put me into a room instead of taking me to her. I instantly knew. The doctor and nurse came in to talk to my dad and I. When he told me she was gone, I screamed at him and called him a fucking liar. Thank God for nurse. She was amazing. 

They took me back to her and my beautiful girl looked like she was sleeping. They had her in a warmed blanket and they just let me hold her and try to say goodbye. My dad started making calls to my husband, sister and brother, Lianna’s school, and my in laws. All I could do was hold her and cry. People got to the hospital to say goodbye. They never rushed me. For over 5 hours I held my baby girl before I had to let her go. Because it was an unexplained death, an autopsy was necessary, so the State Medical Examiner had to pick her up. 

I remember leaving the hospital and going to daycare to pick up her things and check on my daycare mom and her family. They apparently tried so hard to save her. Leaving that daycare with an empty car seat was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But walking into my bedroom, to the bassinette beside my bed, with her little jammies from the night before….it broke me. Everything was a blur for days after. 

When the Medical Examiner called with her cause of death, it was SIDS. Sudden infant death syndrome. 

Hannah would have been 21 this year and every year on her birthday and her angel day, it takes me back to that day all over again. I was incredibly blessed to be her mommy. 

-Mary Ann Stower 

In Loving Memory of Hannah Nicole Brizzi 11/21/00 – 3/1/01

Photo + Edits: Tim Brosius / Models: KaiaCeline, Nate Nelson, Emily Ricotta / Concept: Andrew Key, Rebecca Ellis, Samantha Trionfo, Tim Brosius