— Kirk

“We all have anxious moments in our lives. It’s human nature, but some of us struggle with it (or

have struggled with it) more than others. I suffer from anxiety and insomnia, so please let me tell

you my story.

Allow me to begin by telling you about panic attacks. As the name suggests it’s a sudden feeling

of extreme anxiety. Your palms may begin to sweat, your hands may begin to tremble, your

heart starts beating out of your chest. The worst part is that they often happen suddenly,

seemingly out of nowhere and create a sense that you are losing control. Nothing bad is

physically happening to you but your brain is telling you that something terrible is. You are

essentially engaged in a battle with your own mind. It can be downright terrifying. Over the

years I have learned to control it by using some specific techniques and mental exercises.

My other issue is at times horrible insomnia. This too is a lifelong struggle for me but it seems to

get worse with age. Many a night I find myself struggling to shut off my mind. All kinds of

thoughts race through and before I know it, I can hear the birds chirping and the sun’s early light

peeking through my curtains. I have tried every remedy known to man. Nothing seems to help. I

have had nights where I literally can’t sleep all night and then had to forcefully reset my

circadian rhythm for the following week or so. Eventually I even out.

As a kid, I had to walk around with a pill bottle in my pocket with a few pills for anxiety. I

would always put cotton balls or tissue paper in the bottle because I didn’t want other kids to

hear the pills clacking in my pocket...I was always afraid of the other kids finding out and

thinking there was something wrong with me. Being an immigrant (I am from the former Soviet

Union), I already had one stigma attached to it and as cruel as kids can be I didn’t need another

one. I remember one time going to a teen nightclub when I was about 16 only to see that

security was patting people down. I got scared of my friends finding out about my bottle that I

went outside and hid the contents in my sock. There was absolutely nothing illegal about it; it

was prescribed to me by my doctor, but I was so scared of the stigma that I wanted to just hide it.

I’ve had to deal with that kind of stuff my whole life really. As an adult, I encountered certain

things that later caused my anxiety issues to spike, but after some medical treatment and some

introspective thinking with the help of therapy, I have managed to control it for the most part but

it’s still something I deal with and probably will for the rest of my life.

I am done hiding! There are millions of people who have these kinds of issues. More than you

may know. Much more. And you what? We are all normal! Like I said before, we all get

anxious, we all have weak moments, but most importantly we are all human.”

Photo + Edits: Tim Brosius / Model: Scott Thompson / Concept + Pill Design: Andrew Key, Rebecca Ellis, Samantha Trionfo, Tim Brosius