Growing up, I was petite and was often dressed in a European children’s clothing line because of my small frame. However, my body changed significantly as I approached middle school and became severely obese. The changes in my body were not apparent to me until I heard a kid in my locker room say “damn, Chad, you’re getting thick.” This comment affected me greatly and I began struggling with bullying, addiction, and depression. 

My body continued to change during puberty, and I started to put on weight like it was my day job. Being short, I required a “husky” sized suit when shopping for my Bar Mitzvah in seventh grade and I was forced to shop at the big and tall store. By eighth grade, I was the short, fat kid with glasses and braces and was often the target of bullying. To cope with the bullying, and looking for any type of hope, I experimented with various diets, including Slim Fast, soup, starvation, and even a weekend binge diet that made me violently vomit. Although I would lose weight for a while and get some sort of joy, I would always gain it back and feel like I was possessed by a demon. 

When I entered high school, I was both excited and nervous about the possibilities ahead. Although I was athletic, my weight made me appear sloppy and soft, leading many people to assume I would not be good at sports. During gym class, I was bullied by a person I’ll refer to as “my bully,” who called me “Chad Butterball.” This was the beginning of a difficult three years ahead for me. I learned to make fun of myself to deflect the pain, but this only made things worse. Instead of dealing with my issues, I suppressed them, which only made the demon inside me grow stronger. 

The trauma, bullying, addiction to diet pills, and depression affected me for many years. I lost over 100 lbs and eventually learned to take control of my weight and overcome the demon that had possessed me – or at least I assumed I did. 

Despite receiving compliments from loved ones and strangers alike over the years of my accomplishments, the high of the compliment only lasts a few minutes, and knowing that I can never look in the mirror and see the person I envision only reminds me that my inner demon truly will never leave me. And while it may have made me humble, it also is a daily reminder of a scarred past.

Photo + Edits: Tim Brosius / Models: Anonymous & Jesse Fresco / Concept: Andrew Key, Rebecca Ellis, Samantha Trionfo, Tim Brosius