“I tried to stop cutting myself a couple of times through the years, but every time I felt overwhelmed, I found myself going right back to it. I stopped at 16, at 17, I had to stop myself again at 19, and I was starting to feel like I was healing, finally, around age 20. Then, after what had to have been 2 years of successfully not harming myself, I found myself overwhelmed again. The worst of my scars, to this day, are on each of my forearms. Both arms tell different stories with similar themes. Both sets of scars I have lied about more times than I've ever told the truth about. Both sets of scars are the freshest scars I have, both done within the last five years.

For years, I've never wanted people to know how weak I once was, and better yet, how weak I still think I am. It took watching others, who are much stronger than me, share their stories for me to start to understand; that part of the recovery process is having the strength to admit to all of the ways I've hated myself, my body, and my mind. That part of stopping the tunnel vision is recognizing that it’s something I may actively need to fight again one day. Lastly, that the strength I need to find in myself comes from admitting I was once so weak. I can't take it back, and now, as a model, I hate the scars that cover my body. I regret them; my scars display my weakness.

I'm sure I'll never love them, but I find solace in knowing that my scars are a physical representation of the eleven-year journey that made me strong. I still feel the pangs of embarrassment and shame when someone asks me about them. I still feel offended when people try to tell me "don’t do that, you're beautiful.” Because, yea, yea, so I've heard. But now go tell my younger self.

My only hope from this is that telling my story, and letting it out there, helps me get past that embarrassment. Or, just maybe, makes someone else get help a little quicker than I did. If there is one myth I wish I could dispel, it's that getting help makes you weak. It doesn't. Getting help is brave, and trying to hide your flaws makes you incapable of evolving past them.”