Every little girl wants to be daddy's little girl.
In my world, daddy's little girl was a twisted, dark nightmare for me. My nightmare was filled with physical abuse, verbal abuse, and mental abuse. If I didn't do something to his standard, he would drag me through the house by my long hair and make me start over. He would beat me with a belt and dare me to tell someone. He would even threaten to kill all of us so nobody could ever know.
One night my nightmare turned for the worse. My dad took advantage of his little girl when she had a stomach ache. I had a stomach ache and he used that as a time to touch my private area and continued to proceed until he completely sexually violated me in every way at 14. He made me promise to never tell anyone or I would regret it. For years I was sexually and mentally abused by my father.
When I was older, I thought I found the man of my dreams only to find out it was another nightmare. This man made me feel like a queen and that is how he had me. Once I was head over heels in love with him, that’s when the abuse started. He choked me with a hair dryer cord, he pushed me down the stairs, he choked me with his bare hands, hit me, and shot me with a bb gun right in the chest. He stabbed my private area telling me that no other man will ever have me or love me. He forced me to get an abortion alone. He would isolate me and make me feel unloved and then tell me it’s my fault. He would make me feel all alone and that he was the only one I needed, yet he continued to give silent treatments
and abuse me if I didn't do something he liked.
He busted my ear drum one night and fought me to the ground and told me I was nothing and would never be loved again.
Somehow, I got the courage to finally walk away and turn back, but the damage is done and I’m not sure I will ever recover from both these men who were supposed to be people that loved and cared for me.
Photo: Dave Schaible / Edits: Tim Brosius / Model: Amanda / Concept: Andrew Key, Rebecca Ellis, Samantha Trionfo, Tim Brosius